My dad doesn’t know I exist
I’M desperate to find my real dad – but he doesn’t even know I exist.
I’m a male aged 17 and I always knew I was different.
My step-dad didn’t treat me in the same way as my two brothers and two sisters.
I never knew what it really was but I felt he didn’t love me like he loved the others.
He always had a bad temper.
The other kids would get into trouble as often as I did but he took things a step further with me.
He’d sometimes hold my head in a sink of water if I misbehaved.
I went away on a school trip when I was 13 and when I came back, my sisters couldn’t wait to tell me that my parents had argued one night and it had all come out that he wasn’t my real dad.
I was heartbroken even though he’d never treated me well.
As soon as I was 16 I left home and moved into a hostel.
Not a night has gone by when I haven’t thought about my real dad.
I really want to find him but I’ve had trouble getting started.
He doesn’t even know that I’m alive. I know his name and that he lives in Scotland.
I’ve sent some letters to the area where I think he lives, but they’ve been returned.
I’ve found some websites that are supposed to help you find lost relatives but they all cost loads of money – which I can’t afford.
Where do I go from here?
DEIDRE SAYS: What a sad story. You had a miserable childhood and of course you long to find your biological father whom you hope will love you to bits and make you feel wanted.
But if you find him, it may come as quite a shock to him to find he has a son he didn’t even know about – and he may not have good memories of how his relationship with your mother ended.
I don’t want you to feel hurt and rejected again.
I am going to send you my free email leaflet on how to set about tracing lost friends and relatives but I also want you to get some understanding help to heal your emotional wounds.
Your step-father abused you as a child and that always casts a long shadow.
Contact Get Connected who can put you in touch with the right sort of counsellor in your area (0808 808 4994, www.getconnected.org.uk).
Do you get on well enough with your mum to ask her for more details about your father?
She may be able to give you an insight into his personality so you have a feeling of how he may react.
Good luck. Do let me know how you get on.
