My mate killed himself over girl
MY best mate died a couple of weeks ago and I just can’t stop thinking about him.
I’m 17, he was 16 and we had known each other since we started school together.
He took his own life because his girlfriend finished with him. They had been together for two years and he was devastated.
I was with him the night before he died. He was very upset and I was trying to cheer him up. It was clear that he wasn’t thinking right but I never thought he’d do anything like that. He said nothing about it, he was just devastated.
That was the last time I saw him and I’m finding it hard to come to terms with the loss. He’s always been there for me. We supported each other and offered any help we could.
He was a really nice lad and a big part of my life. It’s the first death of someone close to me and I can’t stop thinking about him.
DEIDRE SAYS: The death of someone close is always extraordinarily painful, in a way you’re not prepared for until it’s happened to you. It’s natural that you are finding it hard to get out of your head.
It helps enormously to share your feelings. Do tell your parents how upset you still feel so they can comfort you. Don’t feel you have to keep a stiff upper lip.
Other mates may want to talk about it too. If you were all at school together, suggest to the school they organise some counselling help.
His former girlfriend must feel dreadful too, though I hope you and your mates aren’t blaming her. Whatever led your friend to take his own life, it will have stemmed from deeper, more long-standing issues than just his girlfriend dumping him.
Contact Cruse Bereavement Care Youth Involvement Project (0808 808 1677, www.rd4u.org.uk) which is specially for young people who’ve lost someone dear to them.
I know it doesn’t seem possible now but time really is a big healer and you will come to find that the good memories of him are the ones which stay with you.
Drunk boyfriend ruined birthday
MY boyfriend ruined my birthday by getting drunk, then I got an earful from his mum for not stopping him drinking sooner.
I’m 18, he’s 19 and we’ve been dating over a year. We don’t live together yet and I always feel in the way at his house. His mum and I don’t get on. She’s rude and abrupt and he says just to ignore her. How can you ignore your future mother-in-law?
At my party he got so drunk he lost all control over his actions and embarrassed himself and me. My friends and I put him in a car and took him home, where he threw up all over me.
He fell over going through a gate and banged his head on the concrete. I was so concerned I set my phone alarm every half hour through the night to check on him. In the morning all he had to show for it was a black eye, not even a hangover.
We went down to breakfast and I expected his mum to thank me but I just got all the blame. She reckons I know he can’t handle drink and it was down to me to watch out for him. How dare she? It was my party and he ruined it.
I sat him down that day and told him I thought we should split up because of his behaviour at the party and his mum’s attitude towards me. But we’re still talking and I love him to bits. I really don’t want to lose him. What can I do?
DEIDRE SAYS: Of course you weren’t responsible for his drinking and you had every right to be angry that he ruined your party.
His mum holds the old-fashioned view that men can’t be expected to be responsible for themselves and it’s women’s role to keep them in check. It’s a thankless task.
You may not be able to change her but you can change the way you react to her. Don’t let her wind you up, and make it clear to your boyfriend that it’s time to take responsibility for his actions and back you up when his mum is rude to you.
My free leaflet about being assertive will help you respond to her in a way that doesn’t leave you feeling like a child who’s misbehaved.
Devastated he used me for sex
THE boy who took my virginity now just wants to be friends – so why did he take me all the way?
I’m 17 and I met this lad on holiday in Tenerife last month. He’s 19. We got talking and decided we really liked each other.
After a few dates down the club we decided to move things on.
I was a virgin before meeting him and I didn’t know anything about sex really. I was also very shy. He promised me it would be ok and took me back to his apartment.
I was a bit scared at first but he kept telling me it’d be all right.
He knew how nervous I was but when he started touching me I forgot everything and felt better.
He then led me through it and it was OK. I saw him twice more on the holiday and we had sex again.
When it was time to leave for home he asked for my phone number.
I was so excited because I really did think we’d be together once we got back home.
He finally called me last week. He said he’d come to see me but just as friends since nothing could come of it because of the distance. I was really upset
I wonder why he took me the whole way if this is the case.
He knew my feelings that night and that I really liked him.
I’m really hurting now because I feel he took something away from me.
DEIDRE SAYS: I am so sorry you’ve been hurt like this.
Maybe he meant what he said at the time in the charged atmosphere of your holiday resort but back home he realises a relationship is impractical.
See this as experience gained – not to let yourself be talked into anything sexually unless you are sure it’s what you want and in the context of the right relationship for you – which usually means taking weeks rather than days before having sex.
And it’s usually best anyway to avoid having sex with someone you’ve just met on holiday.
Because so many get carried away, holiday hot spots are often hot spots of sexual infection too.
If you didn’t use protection have a check up at your local clinic (see www.condomessentialwear.co.uk for details).
My free leaflets on Holiday Romance and Learning About Relationships will help you make good choices for yourself in future.
RIO FERDINAND knew just what was coming.
BADGE OF HONOUR … Rio Ferdinand says past mistakes have made him stronger.
Being named England captain for tonight’s clash in Paris meant the past rearing its ugly head again.
The missed drug test, which almost sparked a players strike, and his eight-month ban which included Euro 2004, was back on the agenda.
But first-time England skipper Ferdinand, 29, was ready for the inquisition, particularly with the FA so intent on cleaning up all aspects of the game.
Did he accept responsibility for his misdemeanours? Was he a suitable role model?
Ferdinand: I’m a role model
The old Ferdinand might have got a bit chippy with the barrage of questions but he displayed a maturity and calm which suggested he could yet be permanent captaincy material with England and Manchester United.
Who would have thought that when Rio fatefully walked out of United’s Carrington training ground 4½ years ago after forgetting to wee in a bottle.
But looking every inch the part in his new suit, Ferdinand said: “Everyone goes through ups and downs in their careers — and lives — but it’s how you come out.
“Do you take it on board, learn and use it to your advantage? I’ve used things and learnt from them and come out stronger. Respect is a big part of being in an England team.
“It’s in the forefront of people’s minds at the moment after what’s been happening in the Premier League and players getting in people’s faces.
“We’re looked up to in society, so we’ve got to be role models, got to show the right way.”
So bearing in mind he has not always walked the straight and narrow, did he feel he deserved the captaincy?
Ferdinand replied: “The past is the past. People move on in their lives, mature, step up to the plate and become better people through adverse situations.
“Football’s like that. If someone does something wrong in their life, do you shut the door on them totally?
“I don’t think that’s right. I’m sure this manager hasn’t taken into account what’s happened in the past. It’s what’s happening now that counts.”
The bitterness Ferdinand felt towards the FA and those he believed tried to ruin his career has slowly dissipated.
He admitted: “It’s taken me a while over the years to realise the responsibility of being a professional footballer. But I think I’ve grasped that now.
“Maturity is part of it. I’ve got a young family now and I’m not ashamed to say I made mistakes growing up and I might do again in the future. But, hopefully, not as costly as in the past.”
Getting the England armband may have publicly put the seal on his rehabilitation but for Ferdinand it was done the day he stepped back on the pitch for Manchester United after the ban.
He said: “I felt closure on that episode as soon as I walked out against Liverpool at Old Trafford and the fans were singing my name. It was a weight off my shoulders when the whistle went.
“You learn who your friends are in times like that and United were fantastic in that period.”
England boss Fabio Capello clearly could not care less about Ferdinand’s previous. It is the future which interests him.
He said: “The past is the past. In games and the five days he’s trained, I’ve seen a very good professional. He can be England captain because of this.”
Ferdinand has dreamed of leading his country and Capello announced it at the dinner table in front of the whole squad.
He knows Capello will rotate the captaincy before settling on a permanent leader but said: “It’s the biggest honour I’ve ever had. How many people are named England captain?
“To be on that list is a great achievement. I’ll be wearing that armband with as much pride as anyone in the past. I’ll play my normal game and, if that’s enough to become the England captain, then great.
Hennessey’s turbocharged SRT700 Dodge Challenger
It didn’t take long for Hennessey to use knowledge gained from years of boosting power from the Viper supercar to increase output of Dodge’s latest performance model. Once again the tuner has turned to turbocharging technology for added oomph, in this case churning out up to 725hp from a stroked and reinforced 7.0L HEMI V8.
Hennessey actually offers three different levels of tune for the new Challenger SRT8. The first two stages, developing 500 and 530hp respectively, rely on a series of breathing mods for the increase in output. The range topping SRT700, meanwhile, gets a custom turbocharging kit, engine stroker upgrade, forged internals, high-flow injectors, a dual 3in exhaust system and ECU mod. The end result is 725hp at 5,200rpm and 1,016Nm (750lb-ft) of torque from 4,000rpm.
Other features include high-flow cylinder heads, stainless steel piping, a 44mm wastegate, front mount intercooler and a 3.5in polished inlet tube blow-off-valve.
Officials claim the car will reach 60mph from rest in just 3.5 seconds, pass the quarter mile in 11.3 seconds at 126mph and go on to reach a top speed of 190mph. Hennessey will also dyno test the car to guarantee the output, and even offers a one year limited warranty in case something goes wrong. Since Hennessey is still yet to release pictures of its modified Challenger, pictured above is the standard production SRT8 model.
Man on the run (from his ex)
SIR Paul McCartney was looking relaxed and unhurried yesterday – until he turned up at the home of his scheming ex.
The Beatles legend managed to achieve warp speed as he dropped off their daughter Beatrice at Heather’s mansion in an astonishing two minutes flat.
Earlier, when pictured leaving his own home in Peasmarsh, East Sussex, Macca was in a chipper mood, raising his thumb and waving happily at photographers.
Darkened
But after the short drive to Mucca’s £3million Peans Wood estate in Robertsbridge his mood had darkened.
When he arrived at the home he held up a coat to stop snappers taking photos.
Find more about this article http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article949650.ece
NATO Working to Rebuild Afghanistan
DEH HASSAN, Afghanistan (AP) — The girl flashed a shy smile from under her white head scarf and stepped to the front of the class when the headmaster asked who could find Afghanistan on the map of the world.
After a little hesitation, 11-year-old Pashtun pointed to her homeland, making a successful start to her first day at school.
Pashtun — a common first name in ethnic Pashtun areas — and her classmates are the face of Afghanistan that NATO wants the world to see. It’s a stark contrast to the surge in violence that made last year the bloodiest since the U.S.-led coalition toppled the Taliban in late 2001.
German and Scandinavian troops provided security and German aid workers supplied the funds to build the new yellow-and-white schoolhouse for 600 girls from Deh Hassan and nearby villages.
Development projects like this school complement NATO’s combat and security operations in Afghanistan, an attempt to win the hearts and minds of Afghans and show them that the alliance is committed to helping the government. Under the Taliban regime, it was a crime to teach females.
Der Hassan, a village of camel herders and almond farmers, sits in a strip of desert separating the mountains of central Afghanistan from the northern border with Uzbekistan.
NATO troops are welcome in this region far from the southern battlefields.
”It’s all calm and serene here,” says district Governor Alhaj Sayed Abrar. ”Each step NATO takes for the reconstruction of the country is positive.”
Over a lunch of palao rice, lamb and the famed local pomegranates, Abrar heaped praise on the German troops and development officials. He blamed the continued violence on foreign militants mainly from Pakistan who exploit the Islamic conservatism of Afghan southerners to whip up extremism.
However, just 75 miles east of Deh Hassan, German army commanders in the city of Kunduz say their previously calm sector has seen a spate of attacks since last summer. The German government has reinforced the mission by sending in paratroopers
Find more about this article http://www.nytimes.com/aponline/world/AP-NATO-In-Afghanistan.html?scp=2&sq=romania&st=nyt
Sarkozy Dedicates Nuclear Submarine
PARIS — Dedicating France’s fourth nuclear-armed submarine on Friday, President Nicolas Sarkozy defended France’s nuclear weaponry as vital to deter a range of new threats, including the prospect of a nuclear-armed Iran with intercontinental missiles.
“The security of Europe is at stake,” he said, conflating the continent’s interests with those of France.
“Countries in Asia and the Middle East are rapidly developing ballistic capacities,” he said. “I am thinking in particular of Iran,” which is “increasing the range of its missiles while serious suspicions weigh on its nuclear program.”
Mr. Sarkozy, stung by defeats in local elections in some large French cities, stuck to traditional presidential themes of national security and defense. His sudden divorce and remarriage, and his tendency to flit from one scheme to another, have made him seem slightly unserious, contributing to his party’s losses.
His mood on Friday was somber, as he inaugurated a new generation of nuclear submarine of the “Triomphant” class, this one named Le Terrible, which could be best translated as The Fearsome.’ It will be equipped with a new, nuclear-tipped missile, the M-51, whose range is secret but which is understood, according to Le Monde, to be some 4970 miles, able to reach Asia.
Clearly trying to balance nuclear modernization with gestures toward a European population more interesting in eliminating nuclear weapons than improving them, Mr. Sarkozy said that France would continue to reduce the number of warheads on airplanes, bringing its total nuclear force to fewer than 300 warheads, half the number during the Cold War.
Find more about this article http://www.nytimes.com/2008/03/22/world/europe/22france.html?ref=world
